1.When you hire any woman she has already started plotting to steal your husband.
So have juju you will use to fight her available.
2. When you see somebody looking at you like this, they are planning to use you for blood money.
JUST RUN!
3. When you come back from America you must wear facecap and end every sentence with “…men”.
How else will people know you have entered plane?
4. When one doctor can’t diagnose you, the next step is obviously a babalawo.
No need for a second opinion.
5. When your stepmother offers you food it is obviously because she has poisoned it.
Be watchful.
6. Your mother-in-law is the reason you’re still not pregnant 3 months after getting married.
She has tied your womb inside her calabash
7. This is the only pregnancy test you need:
What is malaria? You are already iya ibeji.
8. Your wife is sleeping with the gateman that is sleeping with the housegirl that you are sleeping with.
Ojoro cancel.
9. When anything you don’t like happens, it is surely the devil’s handwork.
The devil will just be on his own and Nollywood will be disturbing him.
10. Your romance has not started until you chase each other on the beach.
If there is no beach around you, travel and find one.
11. When you finish confessing your evil deeds, you either die or at least run mad.
So just keep that confession to yourself.
12. When a cat passes the front of your house your village people have finally found you.
Better start kabashing.
13. Any girl that just came from America is an ashewo, the village ones are the only good ones.
Go and wife them. Don’t worry even the illiterate ones speak perfect English.
